I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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