is your mom at the bar?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
