Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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