Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize