I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
