My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
