i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a hot homeless man
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
