I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
