If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
