Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
