Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
