I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
