I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
