What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
