Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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