new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
then he tried to convert me to islam
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
