Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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