You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
