i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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