last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
