Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
