she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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