I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
