My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We got so high we made milksteak
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
