So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
