Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
