Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
