i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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