moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
