lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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