kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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