no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And then he peed in my hair
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