I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
