Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
