I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
