bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
