Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
