It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
