You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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