The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
