Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
