a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
