I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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