How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
