my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
