We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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