i permit you to call me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
