i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
