im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
