she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
