what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
