I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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