The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
