just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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