i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
