it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
