Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
