I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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