i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
