Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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