I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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