Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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