nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
