was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
