He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
