I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
