Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
