My liver just broke up with me...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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