she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
