Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize